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Literature Text
[With Drago, Anthony, and Rodriguez]
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?” Rodriguez flailed around comically.
“I’M TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT!” Drago shouted as he was flapping his wings to stay upright. Anthony was just spinning in a circle, hands in his pockets like he just don't care, and giving a very annoyed look.
“How long is this damn thing!?” Anthony shouted as he tried to balance himself upright. There was no answer. “....Rodriguez, Drago?” soon the spinning stopped and the place became black. All of a sudden, he sees a sidewalk below him, and he goes towards it, landing on his feet and catching himself from face planting. He got up and looked around. This is...the skeleton district? Anthony was very confused at the sight of his home, he wasn’t sure if this was real, or some sort of trick. Suddenly, a loud explosion was heard behind him as he held onto his hat from the impact. He turned around to what seems to be the neighboring district; the werewolf district, as it seems to have been in complete shambles now.
“What the hell…?” Anthony said to himself as he took out both of his revolvers. It soon cuts to Drago as the portal was getting faster.
“ANTHONY! WHERE ARE YOU!?” Drago’s voice shouted. “RODRIGUEZ!? WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU BONEHEADS!?” Soon, he sees a landing spot on the bottom and he flew towards it, and doing, what Deadpool describes, “the superhero landing.” as he made some cracks into the ground.
“Where the hell am I?” He asked himself as he studied the area. “Isn't this, the Death Zone?” He looked further into it as he walked forward slowly, with his hand on his sword handle. Due to the power of deduction, he is definitely in the ghoul district. It’s foul smell, horrifyingly green grass, and some flesh in a few areas.
“Oh great, Ghoul District.” Drago growled in disgust. He never particularly like the ghouls, due to most of them being a mafia member half the time he is there. Thankfully, he met some pretty nice ghouls, enough so that they weren’t a threat. Suddenly he was hearing faint screams. He turned around to hearing more screams of fear, and agony. Drago narrowed his eyes as he unsheathed his sword and flew quickly too the scene.
“THIS AIN’T FUNNY COMPRENDE!?” Rodriguez shouted, thinking the silence is a big joke, only to see the ground below him and...fall flat on his face.
“Ow…” he said as he got up and dusted himself. He looked around and found out he was in his home, yet he was not in the same district and Anthony. He saw very tiny houses, a few spec-sized plants and decorations, and miniature cars.
“Si...I am in the Goblin District.” Rodriguez said regularly. He heard a scream coming from what seems to be...the skeleton district? There was also some words, he heard….”why?” and “This isn’t yo….” Rodriguez was confused as he ran towards the district in quick paced.
[At the castle of friendship]
The ponies arrived just in time to watch more abridged series as they see a half lidded, dreamy eyed Starlight leaning on Halo. Twilight looking like she had a lot of sleep this time as she was reading through her notes on the series so far. She looked away from her notes to see her friends trotting over.
“Oh, you're here, great!” Twilight said excitedly as Spike came out from the restroom. “I was a bit skeptical at first to let Spike watch Hellsing Abridged, but apparently, he enjoyed it!”
“Well, after learning a few things from the earlier series, I started to understand the jokes a bit more.” he stated simply as he shrugged it off and sat in front of Twilight. “They're funny once you ignore the mature stuff.”
“See? Spike gets it!” Pinkie said as she gave a bear hug to the dragon...who couldn’t breathe the moment she did it.
“Pinkie, he's turning blue.” Halo pointed out as Spike’s face was turning blue. Pinkie looked then let him go right away still having a wide smile on her face. Spike took a deep breath then exhale.
“Yeesh, for a party pony, you have a tight grip.” Spike said as he regained his color back. Only moments later, and suddenly a large amount of light is flashing in the castle, as it blinded everyone in the room.
“I’M BURNING!” Pinkie Pie shouted as she had a random witch hat on. Suddenly, the bright light stopped as everyone looked from the source of the light. It was a tall being with purple skin, white like armor and a large dark colored crystal in his head, he almost resembled-
“FREEZA!?” Spike shouted in surprise and fear.
“Every damn time…” the creature said annoyed. “I am not Freeza, I am his brother, Cooler.”
“Cooler than Freeza?” Pinkie asked tilting her head.
“Quite.” Cooler said egotistically. “But regardless, why am I here...with colorful horses.”
“The correct term is pony..” Twilight said with a roll of her eyes.
“Oh, what is the difference, a horse and a pony have the same damn features.” Cooler said crossing his arms.
“...he does have a point.” Halo said shrugging.
“But yea, so if one of you can simply answer my question?” Cooler asked the ponies and Halo. They gave him a look of they didn’t know until Darkness voice came into Cooler’s head.
“Hey pal, just letting you know I teleported you to react with the ponies and shit, so have fun.”
“Ok, that...didn’t exactly explain anything-”
“Good, enjoy.” Darkness cut him off as he severed the connection.
“Oh, what the hell!?” Cooler said with an angered look.
“Well...you are already here so...wanna watch Hellsing abridged…?” Halo asked with a gesture to a couch.
“Isn’t that the show that has that vampire and his stupid trigger happy blonde servant?” Cooler asked bluntly.
“And that wonderful French mercenary Pip.” Rarity said with dreamy eyes. Cooler only looked at the white unicorn with confusion.
“...Yea, she has a little crush on the frenchie.” Rainbow said scratching her head.
“That does not look ‘little’ ” Cooler commented as he watched Rarity sway back in forth.
“Does major sound better?” Halo suggested as he waved a hoof In front of Rarity’s face.
“More like monumental.” Cooler stated.
“So uh...you guys ready?” Twilight ask since they were rambling.
“Hm, I guess I can watch this show with you, it better be worth it though.” Cooler stated calmly as he floated next to Halo. Twilight clicked play as everyone got seated.
“I never understood how these are enjoyable.” Cooler commented.
“Sounds more of a reason to get himself aroused.” Twilight said with furrowed eyes.
“Sounds like Freeza whenever he lays eyes on a saiyan.” Cooler said as he thought about it for a moment.
“Pretty sure he said “you what” or “say what”. Twilight thought for a moment.
“hah, he called the French man a woman, what a prick!” Cooler stated mighty amused.
“Isn't that what you call your brother?” Halo asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Well, a “Pretty petty Princess” to be more accurate.” Cooler informed.
“If Jesus saw that, I'm sure he would be pretty mad.” Halo said chuckling uncontrollably.
“Alucard must of really wanted to keep that banner up.” Rainbow suggested.
“I'll keep that in mind next time.” Psycho stated telepathically to everyone in the room. As soon as he says that, Pinkie purrs like a cat.
“I don’t know if I should laugh my ass off or scream in horror.” Halo said, unsure of what emotions he should go with.
[Thank you Shinigamasparda for the joke.]
“Not good for an entrance though.” Halo said chuckling.
“...Old people are weird.” Pinkie said with a furrowed eyebrow.
“Oh come on Cooler, I’ve bet you've done worse.” Halo suggested with a playful shrug.
“True, but I have more class while doing it.” Cooler said as he gave a shrug.
“...The fuck is a furry?” Cooler asked with confusion all over his face.
“I'll send you that facts later.” Halo whispered leaning in, and giving a little shudder from the sight of the anime-human bread.
“...Very awkward thing to get excited about…” Twilight stated very uncomfortable.
“...Didn’t you get beaten-” Pinkie soon got interrupted .
“You be quiet!” Cooler stated as he pointed at Pinkie with a darkish pink energy flowing from his finger tip. “That was one time and he got lucky.”
“Bet he can still beat you~” Pinkie sang.
“Why you little-!” Cooler tried to retort but only huffed angrily and folded his arms.
“Good thing I made it mine very function.” Twilight said with a prideful smile.
“...Nerd.” Rainbow said teasingly.
“I would assume you would be allied with him, but not temporary.” Twilight stated in confusion.
“Blegh, I hate working with him, every second he is there, all he does is whine what he doesn't have, furthermore, he was always weak compared to me, yet our father chose him to be the emperor of the universe.” He spat out angrily. “And look how that turned out…” The ponies thought about it for a second then just nodded knowingly, considering he knows Freeza way more than they do due from the abridged series.
“Reminds me of Luna, don't you think?” Halo whispered to the ponies. They nod in agreement, since they have fought and defeated Luna from Nightmare Moon.
“I guess they were still friends when he did it.” Rainbow said, glaring at the screen.
“I wouldn't do that for my brother.” Cooler said with a evil like grin.
“Guess there was just no point in denying it.” Rainbow stated, shaking her head.
“Could’ve fooled me.” Rainbow and Cooler said simultaneously.
“How?” Pinkie asked with a head tilt.
“ You really tell me the way he acts, you didn’t see him as a female for a few seconds?” Cooler asked in disbelief.
“I wouldn’t assume genders like that~” Pinkie sang. “You will not like what the SJW’s will say.”
“...I don’t even want to know what this group is…” Twilight said with a shuddered look.
“Oh boy, wouldn’t that be fun.” Cooler said with a “I don’t want to think about having children” type of look.
“That's not the first he died.” Halo said as he rubbed his eyes.
“Blegh, damn weird animal hybrids.” Cooler said as he looked at Halo. “No offense.”
“Some taken.” Halo said with a slightly furrowed eyebrow.
“Har har.” Cooler said sarcastically.
“How come we always see the original villain becoming sympathetic when they get betrayed?” Twilight asked in a bit of a deadpan tone.
“Cause you're soft.” Cooler answered with a grin.
“I’m lost…” Spike stated with widened eyes.
“So you haven’t thought of it like that and you just killed your captain- Why is there so much evil in the human world?” Twilight asked a bit frustrated and annoyed.
“Hehehe! Hopefully not so violent.” Pinkie chimed in.
“Brr, no kidding.” Fluttershy said quietly.
“He looks cool as you say.” Cooler said with a shrug. There was crickets playing when the ponies looked at him.
“No...just no…” Pinkie said as she shook her head.
“What? I just said he was cool?” Cooler said confused. Pinkie pie growls in frustration offscreen.
“What does pastries have to do with this?” Twilight asked confused. Soon her face was grabbed as she gets pulled towards Pinkie’s which were eye to eye.
“EV-ERY-THING!” Pinkie growled as she eyeballed
“You're a crazy bitch.” Cooler said with furrowed eyes.
"And you look like an overused sex toy.” Rainbow said with a smug smirk.
“Why you-! Fuck you.” Cooler said as he angrily folded his arms and looked away.
“You’re kidding right?” Pinkie asked with a deadpan look.
“Not sure, but I do believe she should be great at her job if she was a chairman at that committee.” Twilight said knowingly. “She would at least get things done.”
“I do!” Pinkie shouted with a raised hoof.
“No!” Everypony shouted as they had a look of fear in their eyes.
“Oh boy…” Applejack quietly said as she covered her face with her hat.
“Seems you creatures are well-known to some worlds it seems.” Cooler said as he put a finger up.
“More than you know.” Halo said chuckling.
“I like this song so much, but it is always used for troll videos.” Pinkie said as she smiled, then frowned as she looked at the audience. “Dang Half Life 3 fakes.”
"That is an awesome plane!” Rainbow said in excitement.
“Uh...yeah…” Twilight said in complete awe as she looked at the texture of the BlackBird.
“Show ‘em who’s boss Alucard!” Rainbow shouted with a hoof bump.
“No, but at this point I don't even care if you can do awesome stuff like that!” Rainbow said, biting her lower lip in anticipation.
“I gotta ‘gree with you there sugarcube, whooo boy!” Applejack stated as she twirled her hat around a bit.
“I guess it's...cool?” Fluttershy added in, unsure of herself.
“Yep.” Everypony said in agreement, as it was completely monotone to begin with.
“...She was bait this whole time!?” Rainbow said in shock and confusion as well.
“We have some of that in Equestria as well, but not all rich ponies are bad...I think.” Fluttershy said as she looked away saying the last part.
“I'm sure some people do that.” Halo said with closed eyes.
“It’s a good thing we have low rates of people getting into drugs.” Applejack said a bit in relief. Suddenly Discord appeared.
“You say that when Fluttershy’s friend is Treehugger.” Discord said before poofing off in a second.
“Hey, she isn’t a smoker!...I hope” Fluttershy said as she quietly told herself the last part.
“Plenty of that around.” Cooler said chuckling.
“Oh come on, that's everywhere.” Pinkie said with a slight eyeroll.
“It’s all over the internet.” Cooler and Halo said simultaneously.
“Sounds like a big waste of time.” Twilight said with a furrowed eyebrow.
“Yea, sounds a bit pointless.” Rainbow said as she squinted her eyes a bit .
“That's more of a TV show.” Halo said confused.
“Ugh, its one of those shows that you watch and then you sit there for an half hour wondering why you even bothered watching it.” Cooler muttered as he rubbed his eyes in annoyance.
“And that is?” Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.
“A war?” Starlight asked concerned. “Why does he want a war so badly?”
“To keep it short, the Germans...never had good moments in either wars they have been in.”
Halo explained in a rather disgusted tone.
“Oh, there more!?” Twilight said a bit shocked.
“Is this gonna go anywhere…?” Rainbow asked confused, until the next scene is shown.
“Meaning they had a rat in their churches for the enemy, so they decided to look up all the bad stuff they did.” Rainbow explained simply.
“Hm, not really a good idea if you praise a God, last I checked, you make them angry, bad things will happen.” Twilight stated as she crossed her hooves.
“Hm, I must say, I did actually quite enjoy myself when watching this.” Cooler stated with a smirk.
“Guessing you do this rarely?” Applejack said as she put her hat back on.
“I have been busy destroying planets like my brother, if this planet wasn’t occupied by the Draconians personalities, I would’ve probably taken this one by now.” Cooler said glancing at Halo who gave an innocent shrug. “Regardless, I wish to return to my plan-” Before he could even finish, he just pops from existence in a split second as the ponies, minus Halo, jumped back from the sudden occurrence.
“You're welcome.” Darkness said telepathically. “Just so you know, I'll be teleporting random people for each episode, hope you don’t mind the extra company.”
“Just make sure they don’t take over the planet or something.” Twilight said with narrowed eyes.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Darkness said with a bored tone. “Now if’ll you’ll excuse me- *CRASH* I gotta stop the twerp from jumping out the window and trying to fly on his own.” With that being said, he disconnected the telepathic wire as nothing was being said after that.
“Well, at least its Darkness doing it, Drago would've sended more of the….rebellious type.” Halo said with a little shudder.
“How IS the big Draconian god doing?” Pinkie asked as she looked at Halo.
[With Drago in the ghoul district]
“Oh great, it's all over my boots now!” Drago said as he used his magic to clean the rotten flesh he just stepped on. He looked around the district and admitted to how DULL it is. If he had to guess who was creative in this world, it is most definitely not the ghouls.
“Where the hell is everyone?” Drago asked confused. Barely anyone was outside, which would be normal, but the problem is, there is usually at least one or two creatures walking in each district.
“Better test something…” Drago muttered before he shouted, “COME ON OUT YOU WALKING FETUSES!” Nothing, absolutely nothing, which was very confusing to Drago.
“Huh, normally there would be the old one who would throw a bone, or the kids who would try to charge at me.” Drago said as he kept walking. Suddenly, he heard an explosion behind him, right on the house in the center.
“Huh, might be Pyromaniac.” Drago said as he flew towards the house. “The crazy ghoul was always obsessed with fire and explosions.” He got to the front of it and looked inside with cross arms.
“Alright you crazy fool, get out before I turn you into Anthony for blowing up houses again.” Drago threatened
“Funny...that is not how you address someone you know...Drago.” a voice said as Drago furrowed his eyebrows.
“What?” Drago asked confused. “Pyro, did you finally get that voice box fixed? Cause everytime you talk, it sounds like nails on a chalk board.”
“Heh….” the voice laughed until it flew up with speed and sent Drago flying back a few feet. Drago manages to catch himself by skidding across the floor with his feet and hands. Drago actually felt that, and now he is even more confused on how pyromaniac managed to kick him so hard like that.
“Seriously? Either you gained strange powers or you aren't Pyro.” Drago looked up as the smoke started to go away. Soon, he started to see something come out of the smoke, and it was someone he wish to never see again. His eyes go wide as his hands started to shake.
“No……” Drago said as he took a step back. What he sees is a person who almost resembles himself, but was slightly skinnier, but equally tall. He had the same kind of armor, but more spikes and less bulky. He had darker colored scales, slightly small wings and darker colored crimson eyes.
“Miss me?” the look alike asked with outstretched arms. Drago growled as he charged at him, but the look alike vanished instantly and kicked him back.
“Oh come on, Drago.” the look alike mocked. “You are too smart for that.”
“You’re suppose to be dead!” Drago roared as he got up and tried to land punches, but were all blocked as the look alike landed his own on Draco’s stomach, knocking the air out of him as some spit flew out.
“Now now, is that anyway to treat your own brother, Draco.” The now named Draco said as he lifted Drago up and tossed him across the district, causing him to tumble and skid across the ground. “To think I would meet you again in this circumstance.”
“Shut up!” Drago shouted as he stopped himself from skidding. “I've already killed you twice! I can kill you a third time!”
“And that is where your intelligence is not thinking straight, dear brother.” Draco said with a tsk, “I'm always around, in your blood, in your mind, and in your heart. We are brothers all the way to the end.”
“My true brother died a long time ago.” Drago growled, “I made sure after what he did to our family, and my wife.”
“Hehehe…” Draco laughed as he teleported and spin kicked Drago across the district. “ Which reminds me, how is your wife?” he made it sound like he already knew the answer to this. Drago growled as he managed to land a hit, but it just knocked Draco back two feet.
“Or better yet, after this, you mind that I take a little visit to my dear niece and nephew?” Draco asked smugly.
“...leave my kids alone.” Drago growled in a warning tone.
“What? Can an Uncle not visit relatives?” Draco stated as he had his hands up in front of his face with a wide grin.
“The boneheads are a better choice than you.” Drago said as he tried to run at him, but was knocked back by a tailwhip into the next district, the Mud monster District.
“You don’t seem like the type to make friends Drago, I am impressed!” Draco said, feigning a shocked and surprised look.
“The boneheads are the only ones I consider friends.” Drago said as he stood up with an angered look. “After what you and the Alicorn God did to Darkheart and Flamerage!”
“To be fair, that was The Alicorn God’s doing.” Draco said shrugging.
“But you joined in with him!”
“Oh don’t start with the boring crap.” Draco said in a dark chuckle. “I was only proving a point, a point you keep interfering in.” Draco appeared above him as he stomped on his chest repeatedly. “That I was the strongest amongst our race! And I could've been, if it weren't for you!” Draco growled as he lifted Drago up and slammed him on his knee. He tried to do it again, only for Drago to grapple him by an arm and judo throw him to the ground, then stomped on Draco’s face.
“I thought I could trust you, and you stab our family right in the back!” Drago shouted as he tried to stomp again only for Draco to roll out of the way, but soon they get caught in a strength clash as they both had their hands in lock as they tried to push each other away. “You are a murderer!”
“Oho, You're one to talk!” Draco shouted as he held back Drago “How many lives have you taken on your little, revenge quest before you met Emerald!?”
“It was a better reason than yours!” Drago shouted as neither side budged.
“Bull-shit!” Draco shouted as he got some ground by pushing back Drago a little bit. “You were worse than me!”
“You made it worse after you went for my wife!” Drago shouted back as he started to push back Draco with extreme brute strength.
“And nearly had my children die, like our unborn sister!”
“Do you have any idea how infuriating it was for me to get myself to the top!?”
“I don't give a damn about that! I had a kingdom to maintain after father died! It was harder on our mother!” Drago said as he pushed Draco into a wall. “Your insecurities became your downfall!”
“MY insecurities!?” Draco said in anger and shock. “Yours were worse than mine! You were the one who constantly trained and trained after father died, and you still do!” Draco managed to knock back Drago as they now clashed in the sky.
“I have to! To protect what I have left of my life!” Drago said as they never stopped blocking and dodging each other's attacks.
“I will kill those two new friends of yours after I am done with you!”
“Leave them out of this!” Drago shouted in defiance as they were back to grappling each other in the sky. Soon, Drago got the upperhand as he suplexed him 20 feet from the ground, creating a giant crater in the process. Drago quickly dropped down on the downed Draco as he started to punch his face in a fury.
“Did our family mean NOTHING to you!?” Drago shouted as he punched him right in the jaw. “Or our LOVE!?” Draco flipped Drago over to his back as he jabbed him between the eyes.
“That love became nothing to me ever since our father died!” Draco shouted as he then stomped on Drago’s chest before slamming him into the ground four times.Drago jumped into the air, delivering his foot down towards Draco’s head, sending him face first to the ground.
“It was hard on me too!” Drago said as he slammed his tail onto Draco’s face and punched his stomach. Draco kicked him away as Drago recovered by landing on the wall, creating a large crack in it. Draco stood up as he cracked his neck.
“I have had enough of this, I will end you and your damn kids, with your new skeleton friends!” Draco shouted. “But first...I want to introduce you to someone you know all too well.” Draco then smirked smugly as an individual appeared behind Draco. Drago was shocked, then extremely angry as he growled loudly.
“You!” Drago shouted as he took out his sword out of sheer rage.
“Good to see you again, Dragonheart.” A strange looking creature said as it flew towards Drago.
[With Anthony at the entrance of the Werewolf district]
Anthony walked as he cautiously looked inside the district. Turns out the place now looks like a bloody warzone. What is noticeable was a GIANT crater right dab in the middle of it. What is going on? Hasn’t there not been mayhem for a long time now? Something isn’t right...Anthony walked over to look inside the crater until he heard something behind him. Or better yet, someone.
“You have a lot of guts to come here, Sheriff.” a scruffy, yet medium pitched voice from behind him. Anthony froze as he slowly turned around.
“What?” Anthony said shocked. If he had eyes, they would be as wide as the moon. “How did!?”
“Miss me, fellow undead friend?” A zombie said as he had some vibranium armor and a crown that was black with a skull on it. His left eye was missing as he had a smug, yellow-toothed grin. Soon he dropkicked Anthony into the crater, who landed on his feet and quickly jumped out to the other side, facing him.
“Zombie King.” Anthony stated bitterly as he took out a cigarette and lit it in his mouth. “You are suppose to be dead!”
“I'm a zombie.” The Zombie King said blandly as he punched Anthony into the ground and stomped on him. Anthony took out his revolver and shot at the Zombie King with a flashbang pistol, hitting him in the face, making him quickly get off.
“You know what I mean, I burned your body to make sure you never came back.” Anthony stated, taking his pistols out.
“...Oh yea.” The Zombie King said as he backhanded him into a building and smashed him through different buildings with a shoulder charge. “You know, I had a good system goin’, unlimited money, many many friends that are as big as me, some of those hot vampire ladies.” the Zombie King said as Anthony got up.
“That system was corrupt.” Anthony hissed.
“Oh please, no one can get through life doing the good way, we take chances, we are undead.”
“We weren’t the type of undead until you took over!” Anthony shouted as he aimed his guns at him. “You ruined lives, made some of our homes deserted!” Anthony said as he angrily listed all of his nasty deeds.
“Oh boy, is this because of what I did to your best friend?” the Zombie King asked smugly and having no sympathy. Anthony growled as he ran up and kneed Zombie King in the face, and shot him three times at his armor, that did pierce, but didn’t go all the way through. Zombie King jabbed him to get him away from him.
“Really, is that all you got?” The Zombie King said as he punched Anthony in the stomach area, and lifted him over his shoulder. “Time to plant me a Dumbass Tree!” He shouted as he slammed Anthony into the ground, planting him like a seed. Soon his bones started to disappear, then appear behind him, sending a boot right on the back of his head making him go forward. He then relentlessly started to punch his face, with the guns still in his hands. Afterwards, he does a swift dropkick, sending Zombie King to a wall, making a crack.
“Ok, that was just a cheap shot.” The Zombie King said with a bored expression. Anthony got into position as he pointed both revolvers at him.
“You should’ve joined my side, Skullrox.” the Zombie king stated as he walked towards Anthony. “We could have been a great duo.”
“And do all of your evil deeds for the sake of only you?” Anthony said with a glare.
“I was your KING!” he growled a bit in irritation. “You always respect the King, and to not question them for it, have people fear you so you can have them turn the other cheek.”
“Just shut up, I have killed you before, I’ll do it again, this time it won’t just be burning your entire body.” Anthony threatened as he pulled down on the lever on the back of his revolvers. The Zombie King laughed.
“Bring it then, you weak excuse of a marshal!” the Zombie King boasted eagerly and smugly. Both charge as Anthony jumped into the air, guns pointed at Zombie King, who took out a giant mace, and went to swing upward.
[With Rodriguez at the goblin district]
“Anthony my brother, where are you!?” Rodriguez yelled out. “Compadre!?” He went silent for a moment...until he heard grunts of...pain? Something isn’t right, someone is in trouble. Rodriguez sped walk down the small village, to only see a goblin, having trouble getting up, he has a bullet hole in his chest.
“Hey amigo, what happened?!” Rodriguez asked as he went on one knee.
“R-run…” the goblin said, trying to speak. “H-he’s gone crazy!”
“Who?” Rodriguez asked confused and curious. Before the Goblin could speak, a bullet went past him, ending his life with a bullet between the eyes. Rodriguez stepped back a bit in shock and surprise. He turned around from where the bullet was shot and he saw someone...someone he knew well.
“...Anthony?” Rodriguez said confused, as ‘Anthony’ stood there with his gun outstretched as he stared at him in silence. “Wh-...what are you doing?”
“...” Anthony continued to be silent, until he ran up and kicked Rodriguez back a few feet. Rodriguez recovered and started to dodge Anthony’s gun punches, but gets hit on the last one as Rodriguez slid back and took out his knife.
“What are you doing!?” Rodriguez asked in surprise, not expecting his brother to do such a thing to a brother he loved so dear.
“Sorry brother...but you’re time has come.” Anthony said coldly as he took a shot at his brother, going into blackness after the shot rang.
To be continued...
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?” Rodriguez flailed around comically.
“I’M TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT!” Drago shouted as he was flapping his wings to stay upright. Anthony was just spinning in a circle, hands in his pockets like he just don't care, and giving a very annoyed look.
“How long is this damn thing!?” Anthony shouted as he tried to balance himself upright. There was no answer. “....Rodriguez, Drago?” soon the spinning stopped and the place became black. All of a sudden, he sees a sidewalk below him, and he goes towards it, landing on his feet and catching himself from face planting. He got up and looked around. This is...the skeleton district? Anthony was very confused at the sight of his home, he wasn’t sure if this was real, or some sort of trick. Suddenly, a loud explosion was heard behind him as he held onto his hat from the impact. He turned around to what seems to be the neighboring district; the werewolf district, as it seems to have been in complete shambles now.
“What the hell…?” Anthony said to himself as he took out both of his revolvers. It soon cuts to Drago as the portal was getting faster.
“ANTHONY! WHERE ARE YOU!?” Drago’s voice shouted. “RODRIGUEZ!? WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU BONEHEADS!?” Soon, he sees a landing spot on the bottom and he flew towards it, and doing, what Deadpool describes, “the superhero landing.” as he made some cracks into the ground.
“Where the hell am I?” He asked himself as he studied the area. “Isn't this, the Death Zone?” He looked further into it as he walked forward slowly, with his hand on his sword handle. Due to the power of deduction, he is definitely in the ghoul district. It’s foul smell, horrifyingly green grass, and some flesh in a few areas.
“Oh great, Ghoul District.” Drago growled in disgust. He never particularly like the ghouls, due to most of them being a mafia member half the time he is there. Thankfully, he met some pretty nice ghouls, enough so that they weren’t a threat. Suddenly he was hearing faint screams. He turned around to hearing more screams of fear, and agony. Drago narrowed his eyes as he unsheathed his sword and flew quickly too the scene.
“THIS AIN’T FUNNY COMPRENDE!?” Rodriguez shouted, thinking the silence is a big joke, only to see the ground below him and...fall flat on his face.
“Ow…” he said as he got up and dusted himself. He looked around and found out he was in his home, yet he was not in the same district and Anthony. He saw very tiny houses, a few spec-sized plants and decorations, and miniature cars.
“Si...I am in the Goblin District.” Rodriguez said regularly. He heard a scream coming from what seems to be...the skeleton district? There was also some words, he heard….”why?” and “This isn’t yo….” Rodriguez was confused as he ran towards the district in quick paced.
[At the castle of friendship]
The ponies arrived just in time to watch more abridged series as they see a half lidded, dreamy eyed Starlight leaning on Halo. Twilight looking like she had a lot of sleep this time as she was reading through her notes on the series so far. She looked away from her notes to see her friends trotting over.
“Oh, you're here, great!” Twilight said excitedly as Spike came out from the restroom. “I was a bit skeptical at first to let Spike watch Hellsing Abridged, but apparently, he enjoyed it!”
“Well, after learning a few things from the earlier series, I started to understand the jokes a bit more.” he stated simply as he shrugged it off and sat in front of Twilight. “They're funny once you ignore the mature stuff.”
“See? Spike gets it!” Pinkie said as she gave a bear hug to the dragon...who couldn’t breathe the moment she did it.
“Pinkie, he's turning blue.” Halo pointed out as Spike’s face was turning blue. Pinkie looked then let him go right away still having a wide smile on her face. Spike took a deep breath then exhale.
“Yeesh, for a party pony, you have a tight grip.” Spike said as he regained his color back. Only moments later, and suddenly a large amount of light is flashing in the castle, as it blinded everyone in the room.
“I’M BURNING!” Pinkie Pie shouted as she had a random witch hat on. Suddenly, the bright light stopped as everyone looked from the source of the light. It was a tall being with purple skin, white like armor and a large dark colored crystal in his head, he almost resembled-
“FREEZA!?” Spike shouted in surprise and fear.
“Every damn time…” the creature said annoyed. “I am not Freeza, I am his brother, Cooler.”
“Cooler than Freeza?” Pinkie asked tilting her head.
“Quite.” Cooler said egotistically. “But regardless, why am I here...with colorful horses.”
“The correct term is pony..” Twilight said with a roll of her eyes.
“Oh, what is the difference, a horse and a pony have the same damn features.” Cooler said crossing his arms.
“...he does have a point.” Halo said shrugging.
“But yea, so if one of you can simply answer my question?” Cooler asked the ponies and Halo. They gave him a look of they didn’t know until Darkness voice came into Cooler’s head.
“Hey pal, just letting you know I teleported you to react with the ponies and shit, so have fun.”
“Ok, that...didn’t exactly explain anything-”
“Good, enjoy.” Darkness cut him off as he severed the connection.
“Oh, what the hell!?” Cooler said with an angered look.
“Well...you are already here so...wanna watch Hellsing abridged…?” Halo asked with a gesture to a couch.
“Isn’t that the show that has that vampire and his stupid trigger happy blonde servant?” Cooler asked bluntly.
“And that wonderful French mercenary Pip.” Rarity said with dreamy eyes. Cooler only looked at the white unicorn with confusion.
“...Yea, she has a little crush on the frenchie.” Rainbow said scratching her head.
“That does not look ‘little’ ” Cooler commented as he watched Rarity sway back in forth.
“Does major sound better?” Halo suggested as he waved a hoof In front of Rarity’s face.
“More like monumental.” Cooler stated.
“So uh...you guys ready?” Twilight ask since they were rambling.
“Hm, I guess I can watch this show with you, it better be worth it though.” Cooler stated calmly as he floated next to Halo. Twilight clicked play as everyone got seated.
Tubalcain: The following is a fan based parody, puta. Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse and licensed by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation. Vá lamber o cu da sua mãe. It means go suck your mother's cu-
[Scene changes to show Integra talking on the phone with Alucard]
“I never understood how these are enjoyable.” Cooler commented.
Alucard: Say it.“He really likes to troll her.” Spike said grinning.
Integra: Fuck you.
Alucard: After you say it.
Integra: You're really going to force me on this?
Alucard: I'm at half mast! I NEED to hear this!
Integra: FINE!! You were right!
[Alucard makes a groan of extreme pleasure]
Integra: Jump up your own ass and DIE! [slams down the phone]
“Sounds more of a reason to get himself aroused.” Twilight said with furrowed eyes.
[Scene change to Alucard in the safehouse]“As it is to be expected.” Starlight said with an eyeroll.
Alucard: Ahhhhh! Houston, we have nooo problems.
[Anderson kicks in the door. Pip and Seras gasp.]
Alucard: Okay, dude, I just- I just finished, I'mma need like five minutes over here to recharge.
[Anderson punches Alucard in the face]
Alucard: NEVERMIND, WE’RE BACK IN BUSINESS!
[Both Alucard and Anderson draw out their weapons]
“Sounds like Freeza whenever he lays eyes on a saiyan.” Cooler said as he thought about it for a moment.
[Seras swings the Harkonnen at Anderson.]“That's gonna be annoying.” Applejack said tonelessly.
Seras: I've got him!
[Anderson throws a bayonet and pins an official notice to the wall right next to Seras' head, causing her to become jittery and slump to the ground]
Seras: OH!
Alucard: Oh great, and now she's triggered. Could be all day with it.
[Seras mumbles incomprehensibly]“Twilight?” Pinkie asked to translate.
Anderson: The good Lord has handed down a blessing to you filthy heathens as a sign of good will. A small private Vatican jet. [picks his broken glasses up off the floor] Now, if you would be so very Christian-like to ship your sorry pale ass out?! And take your trigger happy harlot with ya! [Seras is still traumatized on the ground, cue scene with Pip drinking from a Soda cup from not-McDonald's, in Omake style.] And the woman!
Pip: [Turning to Anderson, annoyance not exactly out of the question.] Don quoi?
“Pretty sure he said “you what” or “say what”. Twilight thought for a moment.
“hah, he called the French man a woman, what a prick!” Cooler stated mighty amused.
“Isn't that what you call your brother?” Halo asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Well, a “Pretty petty Princess” to be more accurate.” Cooler informed.
Alucard: Man, I don't know what I find funnier; the Catholic Church strong-arming you into helping us, or the fact that you obviously haven't seen what I did to the statue of Big J!The ponies burst out laughing at the reaction given by Anderson as Rainbow and spike were crying. Cooler was trying to keep a straight face, but was failing miserably.
[Scene change to show the private jet flying past the statue of Christ the Redeemer, which now has a banner tied across it which reads "420YOLOSWAG4JESUS"]
Anderson: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
“If Jesus saw that, I'm sure he would be pretty mad.” Halo said chuckling uncontrollably.
[Intro plays]“Constrictor knot?” Spike asked confused. “Why would they use that?”
[Scene change to show the city of London, then a meeting between the Hellsing Organization and Iscariot in the Queen's palace]
[Enrico and Father O'Mally'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan (Who is also an Italian named Rinaldo) are examining photographs]
Father Rinaldo: The banner won't-a come-a down. I think it's a constrictor knot.
“Alucard must of really wanted to keep that banner up.” Rainbow suggested.
“I'll keep that in mind next time.” Psycho stated telepathically to everyone in the room. As soon as he says that, Pinkie purrs like a cat.
“I don’t know if I should laugh my ass off or scream in horror.” Halo said, unsure of what emotions he should go with.
[Thank you Shinigamasparda for the joke.]
[We hear Alucard's muffled voice outside the door to the room]“I kind of liked it.” Pinkie said smiling.
Alucard: What- What do you mean you forgot the song? Okay, screw, screw it, no screw it, screw it! Just- Just take my phone and hit random. No, just hit random. Okay, three, two...
[Door bursts open, and Alucard makes a dynamic entrance with the chorus to the song "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks with Seras and Pip. Everyone in the meeting looks shocked or appalled]
Alucard: Yeah, okay, turn it off, turn it off. [Phone turns off] It didn't work. It did not work.
“Not good for an entrance though.” Halo said chuckling.
Integra: Following your example.“Really?” Twilight deadpanned.
Alucard: Ooh, catty. [sees the Queen] Oh, shit, is that Betty?
[Two guards try to block him from reaching her]
Guard: Excuse me sir, you're going to have to- [gets tossed aside by Alucard]
Alucard: Get out of my way~!
Queen: Well, well, well. If it isn't Allie.“What?” Cooler asked with a raised eyebrow.
[Alucard kneels in front of her. She grasps his face in her hands]
Queen: Your skin is still as smooth as the day I felt it on my own.
Alucard: You know it. Reminds me of when I'd keep your bed warm during the blitz.“Oh god I'm gonna throw up.” Cooler said with a disgusted look.
Queen: Those were better days. I was younger, beautiful...
Alucard: Oh shut up you old hag, I'd still wreck you like Diana!
Queen: Hahahahaha! Oh, you know exactly what to say to moisten me up.
Penwood: (Offscreen,) Gah, I can never have sex again!
“...Old people are weird.” Pinkie said with a furrowed eyebrow.
Integra: Alucard, if you please.“This should be good...maybe.” Halo said shrugging.
[Alucard stands up and faces the meeting]
Alucard: You're right. Enough focusing on the past. Instead, let's focus on the past!
Alucard: [We see flashbacks to his and Walter's battles with the Nazis, considering we're a bit too early to Abridge the Dawn.] Back in World War II, Walter and I were part of a top-secret government operation called "Operation: Kraut Control". Walter was fifteen, and I'm pretty sure if I'm remembering correctly, I was a girl.“...I'm not gonna ask.” Cooler said with his stoic look.
Reggie: Wait a second, but that implies that the Queen-
Alucard: INTERRUPT MY STORY AGAIN, REGGIE! SEE WHAT HAPPENS!
“Oh come on Cooler, I’ve bet you've done worse.” Halo suggested with a playful shrug.
“True, but I have more class while doing it.” Cooler said as he gave a shrug.
Alucard: [More flashbacks] But yeah, we were under orders to stick it sideways to a group of Nazi scientist whackjobs interested in creating a vampire army. And did we~!“After all the jokes you did, I'd say it's good what she is doing.” Rarity said with a grin.
Integra: Seems you missed a spot.
Alucard: Are you- are you gonna do this right now? In front of everybody?
Integra: The point is, enough members have survived and are planning on finishing their mission. They've established a base in Brazil and are using the name-“Ah! A furry! Turn away before it nubs you!” Pinkie said hissing then hiding behind the couch.
Schrodinger: [at the from of the door, it is a cat like Nazi that….somewhat looks familiar to Seras but is a male.] Millennium.
[Integra and Enrico gasp. Heinkel and Pip pull their guns out.]
“...The fuck is a furry?” Cooler asked with confusion all over his face.
“I'll send you that facts later.” Halo whispered leaning in, and giving a little shudder from the sight of the anime-human bread.
Schrodinger: Warten Sie! How do you say, "do not shoot ze messenger."“Ah the why boner...a dangerous foe.” Pinkie said ominously.
Alucard: Ah, the return of the why boner. [zooms in on his eyes and it's all of a sudden dark; Has a demonic voice while saying it] With a vengeance.
“...Very awkward thing to get excited about…” Twilight stated very uncomfortable.
Integra: How did he get in here?“He's even dumber than the saiyan who killed my shit ass brother.” Cooler commented.
Walter: We had over a dozen guards.
Alucard: [As Schrodinger places a portal TV on the table] Those were ours? I mean- Oh my God, how did he get through the guards!?
“...Didn’t you get beaten-” Pinkie soon got interrupted .
“You be quiet!” Cooler stated as he pointed at Pinkie with a darkish pink energy flowing from his finger tip. “That was one time and he got lucky.”
“Bet he can still beat you~” Pinkie sang.
“Why you little-!” Cooler tried to retort but only huffed angrily and folded his arms.
Schrodinger: My commanding officer, ze Major, would like to personally introduce himself, along with our vonderful organization.“I think something's wrong with your tv.” Pinkie giggled.
[Schrodinger presses a button on the remote, but the TV doesn't come on.]
Schrodinger: What?! Uh- Ah- [trying to turn on the Television but it wont turn on.]
“Good thing I made it mine very function.” Twilight said with a prideful smile.
“...Nerd.” Rainbow said teasingly.
The Major: Schrodinger?“Oh, that's the problem.” Pinkie said somewhat sarcastically.
Schrodinger: It's not working Major!
The Major: Did you click "TV" zen "Power"?
Schrodinger: Oh wait, I'm on Video 2.
The Major: Nein, Video 1!
Schrodinger: Got it!“Of course you would laugh.” Halo said with an eyeroll.
[TV finally comes on showing the Major]
The Major: Hello~!
Alucard: Hahahahahaha, ahahahahahaha! He's still so fucking FAT! He's like a Nazi Louis C.K.! [Shows the other side of the television as Alucard talks from the TV] Wait wait no no, Jim Gaffigan! Jim Gaffigan!
The Major: Ah, if it isn't ze memorable Alucard. His provider, Sir Integra, ze bean counters, und of course, very interesting to see by the way, the Vatican. How does it feel to vork with your sworn enemies, Father Maxwell?“It's like a temporary alliance.” Cooler said with crossed arms. “Kind of like me with my little brother.”
Enrico: [bitterly] Not as painful as your obnoxious voice.
“I would assume you would be allied with him, but not temporary.” Twilight stated in confusion.
“Blegh, I hate working with him, every second he is there, all he does is whine what he doesn't have, furthermore, he was always weak compared to me, yet our father chose him to be the emperor of the universe.” He spat out angrily. “And look how that turned out…” The ponies thought about it for a second then just nodded knowingly, considering he knows Freeza way more than they do due from the abridged series.
“Reminds me of Luna, don't you think?” Halo whispered to the ponies. They nod in agreement, since they have fought and defeated Luna from Nightmare Moon.
The Major: Ah, come on, we used to be friends with ze Vatican! Remember how you aided us in our escape from Germany~?“He helped them escape!?” Twilight shouted on anger.
[People at the meeting gasp, and Enrico looks both mortified and livid.]
The Major: Oh, I guess zhey weren't supposed to know that.
“I guess they were still friends when he did it.” Rainbow said, glaring at the screen.
“I wouldn't do that for my brother.” Cooler said with a evil like grin.
Integra: So, that's how you knew about them.“Cats out of the bag.” Halo said sighing.
Enrico: (Sighing, his expression reversing.) ...Yes.
“Guess there was just no point in denying it.” Rainbow stated, shaking her head.
The Major: I'm sure you're chomping at the bit to find out vhat ve have in store for you, nein?“Language.” Cooler said with a joking tone as he pointed at Spike. Spike gave a deadpan look with half lid eyes as he looked at Cooler.
Integra/Everypony: Nazi army.
The Major: ...Wow, just, kill all the fun! Put the fun in camps, vhy don't you?!
Alucard: (Knowing a thing or two about Mass Murder and Genocide, he replies: ) Yeah, you Fun-Nazi.
Integra/Twilight: GET TO THE FUCKING POINT!
The Major: Well, mind me if it seems a little too American for you, but at some time, some place, something vill attack you. Maybe. Probably. Could be happening right noooow~!“Ship!” Pinkie shouted jokingly with a smile as she holds up a crude picture of Seras and Schrodinger with a heart in the middle.
Alucard: Fingers crossed!
The Major: But rest assured this is no simple incursion...
[Focus shifts to Schrodinger and Seras as the Major keeps talking in the background. Schrodinger takes note of Seras. In Omake style.]
Schrodinger: Fraulein! Fraulein! Fraulein! HEY FRAULEIN!
Seras: Oi.
Schrodinger: ...Ve would make beautiful children. [Seras is shocked/creeped out]
[Alucard blows Schrodinger's head off]“That's was a boy.” Halo classified.
Alucard: Was that boy/girl bugging you?
“Could’ve fooled me.” Rainbow and Cooler said simultaneously.
“How?” Pinkie asked with a head tilt.
“ You really tell me the way he acts, you didn’t see him as a female for a few seconds?” Cooler asked in disbelief.
“I wouldn’t assume genders like that~” Pinkie sang. “You will not like what the SJW’s will say.”
“...I don’t even want to know what this group is…” Twilight said with a shuddered look.
The Major: Und like zhat, the war begins!“The babies?” Halo asked with a raised eyebrow.
Alucard: Whoops! Did I just accidentally a war?
Integra: Police Girl!
[Seras blows up the TV showing the Major]
Seras: (Thinking to herself) Huh. They would've looked rather nice actually.
“Oh boy, wouldn’t that be fun.” Cooler said with a “I don’t want to think about having children” type of look.
Integra: Alright now, Alucard, clean that u- (sees that Schrodinger's body and all the blood has completely vanished) uh-.... oh.“Where did he go!?” Everypony but Pinkie shouted.
Alucard: Oh wow! Looks like he was self-cleaning. And/or magical.
“That's not the first he died.” Halo said as he rubbed his eyes.
“Blegh, damn weird animal hybrids.” Cooler said as he looked at Halo. “No offense.”
“Some taken.” Halo said with a slightly furrowed eyebrow.
Queen: Integra? Alucard?“Is that your secret aunt Cooler?” Rainbow joked as she gave a small laugh.
Alucard: Yes, sugarlips?
Queen: When you find him, and when you kill him, I want you to record it, so I can fall asleep to it every night.
Alucard: ...JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I'VE MISSED YOU!
Enrico: (Offended) HEY!
Alucard/Cooler: Oh shut up.
“Har har.” Cooler said sarcastically.
[Scene change to The Major, The Doctor, and The Captain walking down a hallway aboard the Zeppelin]“I'm starting to like him.” Cooler said with a smile, imagining Freeza in the dead leader's place.
The Doctor: Ah, Major, I zhink that vent vell.
The Major: You zhink it went vell?! Herr Doctor, I was there, und much like our former boss- [we briefly see a clip of the old SS colonel, being torn apart by the Major's vampire soldiers] -I killed it!
“How come we always see the original villain becoming sympathetic when they get betrayed?” Twilight asked in a bit of a deadpan tone.
“Cause you're soft.” Cooler answered with a grin.
[They arrive at the bridge, where Schrodinger is sitting in the Major's command chair.]“Better than a furry.” Cooler said with a glare.
Schrodinger: Let us hope ze Major does not end up ze same! We do not have ze freezer space to store all ze incidental leftovers!
The Major: Ah, Doctor, usually it is a faux pas to give a pet as a gift, but I love him!
The Doctor: Major, I am so sorry for his disrespectful disposition!“Who saw that coming?” Applejack asked. Cooler slowly was about to raise his hand. “You don’t count.”
The Major: Ah, don't vorry. I much enjoy some playful cattiness in my staff. Nonetheless, it is time for phase two of our operation. Our fraulein's excursion to ze English Channel.
[Scene change to show a Nazi helicopter moving to land on the deck of an English aircraft carrier. We see the ship's control room.]
Radar Operator: Sir, there's an inbound helicopter trying to land.
Ship's Captain: That seems odd. Commander Violet, do you know-
[Commander Violet is shown to be a vampire]
Ship's Captain: OH GOD, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE PURPLE!
[Crew gets killed.]
[The helicopter lands, and Raven Nazi Flat-chested Bespectacled Excel- ah, excuse me, Rip Van Winkle steps out.]“Wha-...the fu-....” Rainbow stuttered, considering she had no idea what just happened.
Rip: Zhis is mein favorite kind of ship: Running with blood und seamen.
Violet: ...What?
Rip: Zhe Game~!
Violet: What game?!
Rip: You lose! LOL, I'm so vandom!
“I’m lost…” Spike stated with widened eyes.
Violet: Uh, so, the ship is now under your command, Miss Rip Van Winkle.“Who the fuck is she?” Cooler asked with slightly wide eyes.
Rip: Ah, danke schoen, Captain! Tell me, how did it feel slaughtering your kinsmen, turning them into Ghouls, betraying your family und country, all for the selfish desire to become an immortal vampire?
Violet: ...Wow, uh, when you put it like that I feel like kind of a cunt.
“So you haven’t thought of it like that and you just killed your captain- Why is there so much evil in the human world?” Twilight asked a bit frustrated and annoyed.
Rip: Oh, but you know what might make you feel better, Captain?“I think we found out what Pinkie’s and Pyscho’s kid would look or act like.” Halo joked lightly.
Violet: Uh, what's that-
[Rip levels her musket at the sailors, who gasp.]
Rip: Checking your privilege. [Opens fire; then the scene changes to to the Hellsing Mansion with Alucard and Walter talking]
“Hehehe! Hopefully not so violent.” Pinkie chimed in.
Alucard: Walter, if I may confide in you...“Really?” Rarity said confused with a raised eyebrow.
Walter: I temper my sense of decency in expectation.
Alucard: I am positively throbbing over these guys returning.
Walter: Well, if it lasts for more than four hours...
Alucard: Walter, do you know what my top three favorite things I've killed are? Third is the Turks. Second is Nazis. Can you guess the first?
Walter: Your father?
Alucard: (Claps) Nailed it!
[Scene change to Anderson talking with Enrico on the phone while confronting a group of Millennium soldiers.]“He creeps me out.” Applejack said with a slight shiver.
Anderson: I see! Now it's open season for these heathen swine!
Enrico: Alexander, while I mirror your fervor to lay steel upon the soulless jowls of the English Church, we have a much bigger foe knocking at our door.
Anderson: They knock at the door of Hellsing, and as the wolf huffs and puffs, we shall skewer these pigs ourselves.
Enrico: I do not know the metaphor on which you draw, but regardless, we must set aside the quarrels of our houses, and unite under the banner of God.
Anderson: Ah, I see! So this... is a crusade!
Enrico: No, nonononono! We don't say that anymore, we're calling it... ah, damn, what do the American cows say?
Anderson: Peacekeeping?
Enrico: Right! Now, shall we... keep the peace?
Millennium Soldiers: FOR MILLENNIUM!
[They open fire on Anderson, who quickly dispatches them.]
Anderson: Only until it's time to slide in the knife.
“Brr, no kidding.” Fluttershy said quietly.
“He looks cool as you say.” Cooler said with a shrug. There was crickets playing when the ponies looked at him.
“No...just no…” Pinkie said as she shook her head.
“What? I just said he was cool?” Cooler said confused. Pinkie pie growls in frustration offscreen.
[Scene change to a meeting between Integra and Sir Penwood in the London war room]“And we know who to blame.” Twilight said with an eye roll.
Penwood: We lost communication with the vessel eighteen hours ago. Currently, it's resting in the Atlantic 300 kilometers off the coast of Pauling.
Integra: Have you acquired visual via satellite?“Nooooo!” Pinkie said dramatically, “The cake!”
Aide: Yes, and they've left a rather cryptic message that we've yet to make any sense of.
[We see Integra looking at a photograph of the ship's deck with the phrase "THE CAKE IS A LIE" scrawled on the deck in blood.]
Integra: I... I don't get this. I don't get it.
“What does pastries have to do with this?” Twilight asked confused. Soon her face was grabbed as she gets pulled towards Pinkie’s which were eye to eye.
“EV-ERY-THING!” Pinkie growled as she eyeballed
“You're a crazy bitch.” Cooler said with furrowed eyes.
"And you look like an overused sex toy.” Rainbow said with a smug smirk.
“Why you-! Fuck you.” Cooler said as he angrily folded his arms and looked away.
Penwood: None of us know what it means either.“Are you sure the bitch isn't your future daughter?” Cooler asked with a raised eyebrow towards Pinkie.
Integra: Is it a reference or something?
Aide: Of course, there was one other shot we had—
[We see a photograph of a yellow umbrella in the middle of the phrase on the deck.]
Aide: —which looks to be someone sitting in the middle with a yellow parasol. Seems a tad random if you ask me.
[Quick cut to Rip on the deck holding a yellow parasol, and her musket]
Rip: Rainbow, tacos, Doctor Who, Homestuck~!
“You’re kidding right?” Pinkie asked with a deadpan look.
[Cut back to the war meeting.]“Welp, that failed.” Applejack said with slightly narrowed eyes.
Integra: This person looks like they're begging for attention.
Penwood: And they're about to get it! The Special Air Service has deployed two platoons via helicopter. They'll have visual any moment now.
[There is a long pause.]
Walter: Ma'am?
Integra: Wait for it...
[Another brief pause.]
Radar Operator: We've lost both helis! [The assembled officers gasp]
Radar Operator: And that was Portal, by the way. That's Portal. That's... what it's from.“They are the worst military I've ever seen.” Twilight said facehoofing.
[Sir Penwood is visibly shaking by now]
Penwood: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Integra: Well, this has been fun. Always nice playing audience to this menagerie you call a military. Since it seems like you've got this one on lockdown, I'll leave you to it.
[Integra gets up and turns to leave.]
Penwood: Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!! Based on new information that has been presented to us, uh, we've decided we - require the Hellsing Organization and their services.“Why is she not in charge?” Rarity asked with slight confusion.
Integra: You know, it's amazing how much time and people we could save if you'd just ask us in the first place. [She turns to leave] Walter?
[Walter chuckles and follows her out.]
“Not sure, but I do believe she should be great at her job if she was a chairman at that committee.” Twilight said knowingly. “She would at least get things done.”
[Scene change to a hallway with Walter and Integra walking down it.]“Flying then?” Fluttershy suggested meekly.
Walter: We're talking a hefty game, Sir Integra. Three hundred kilometers into the Atlantic and they seem to be able to annihilate anything we send at them.
Integra: ... and we can't send a submarine, it could be a depth charge showcase down there.
Walter: Can't go at it from the sides, can't go at it from below.“...what in Tartarus…” Twilight said in surprise, she did not expect Alucard to know such things.
Integra: So our only option is to hit that son of a bitch from above.
Walter: Well, we do have one option. However, it was decommissioned in 1998.
[Alucard enters the scene as intense as hell music plays]
Alucard: The Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird. An advanced long-range strategic reconnaissance aircraft capable of Mach 3 and an altitude of 85,000 feet.
Integra: You sure do seem to know a lot about it.“I...don’t even want to know what else is on that list.” Rainbow said, not exactly curious what Alucard would want.
Alucard: DO YOU EVEN READ MY CHRISTMAS LIST?!
“I do!” Pinkie shouted with a raised hoof.
“No!” Everypony shouted as they had a look of fear in their eyes.
[Scene change to show Rip Van Winkle dancing and singing the song "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley.]“What?” Everypony said surprised and shock. All of a sudden Halo just started laughing as Cooler was also.
Rip: A full commitment's what I'm thinking of~! You would't get this from any other guy~!
[Cut to the bridge.]
Nazi Officer 1: The hell is she singing now?
Nazi Officer 2: I have no idea, I think it was popular a couple years back.
Nazi Officer 3: At least she is no longer on about the ponies, and the friendship, and the wrapping up of winter!
[During this, Rip sings the lines I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling; Gotta make you understand~! in the background.]
“Oh boy…” Applejack quietly said as she covered her face with her hat.
“Seems you creatures are well-known to some worlds it seems.” Cooler said as he put a finger up.
“More than you know.” Halo said chuckling.
[Cut back to Rip singing.]“The UMD’s song, it's been awhile.” Halo said with a tiny grin as he shook his head.
Rip: [Legit beautiful singing voice] Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you~! Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you~!
“I like this song so much, but it is always used for troll videos.” Pinkie said as she smiled, then frowned as she looked at the audience. “Dang Half Life 3 fakes.”
[She suddenly collapses and trembles in fear.]“Oooohhhhhhh!” Pinkie said with an awed expression.
Rip: (Gasps) IT'S HIM! LIKE ZHE MAJOR SAID!
[The bridge officers are unaware of what is actually happening.]
Nazi Officer 2: Uh, mein fraulein Van Winkle, the- the song was nice, so you don't need to-
Rip: (Aiming her musket straight up) PREPARE FOR COMBAT! IT'S ALUCAAAAARRRD!!!
[We see Alucard flying in with the SR-71 Blackbird as "Shoot to Thrill" by AC/DC starts to play.]
"That is an awesome plane!” Rainbow said in excitement.
“Uh...yeah…” Twilight said in complete awe as she looked at the texture of the BlackBird.
Nazi Officer 2: Focus your fire! We are going to tear that aircraft apart!!“That's not gonna work.” Halo said shaking his head.
[Alucard grins in expectation. The Nazi gunners open fire, but cannot stop the Blackbird.]
“Show ‘em who’s boss Alucard!” Rainbow shouted with a hoof bump.
[Rip takes aim at it with her Musket.]“Does nothing kill this guy!?” Rarity said with surprise.
Rip: Zhey say no man can kill you Alucard? That's because you don't need a man to do a woman's job!
[Rip fires and destroys the Blackbird, but Alucard releases his Level Two restraint and continues to dive towards the deck.]
Rip: VHAT?!
[Alucard and the Blackbird's wreckage impact on the ship's deck, setting it ablaze. We see one Nazi set on fire screaming and subsequently crushed by debris. We then see Alucard rising from the wreckage completely unharmed and showing complete utter badassery ]
“No, but at this point I don't even care if you can do awesome stuff like that!” Rainbow said, biting her lower lip in anticipation.
“I gotta ‘gree with you there sugarcube, whooo boy!” Applejack stated as she twirled her hat around a bit.
“I guess it's...cool?” Fluttershy added in, unsure of herself.
[Rip is terrified at this point.]“She's gonna die.” Cooler said knowingly.
Alucard: So... nice ship you got here.
[Rip pulls herself together and levels her musket at Alucard. A remix of "In the Hall of the Mountain King" from "The Social Network" soundtrack starts to play.]
Rip: I am Rip Van Winkle, und I demand your respect!
Alucard: No, you demand my attention.
“Yep.” Everypony said in agreement, as it was completely monotone to begin with.
[Rip fires on Alucard.]“How?” Rarity asked with crossed hooves.
Alucard: Ow! Ooh!
Rip: I don't have to take this from you! You racist, cisgendered, patriarch-propagating, misogynistic pig! [Rip then gasps as Alucard catches a bullet with his teeth.]
Alucard: The funny thing is- [Crushes the Bullet in his teeth.] -in any other circumstance, you might have had a point there.
Alucard: (spreads his arms out as he slowly walked towards Van Winkle) Except my boss is a woman, I was a chick in the 40's, I hate EVERYONE EQUALLY, and there's no one alive who can comprehend my sexual preference. So in other words, Miss Van Winkle- (punches Rip in the face) -CH-CH-CH-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!“Nice punch...for a vampire.” Cooler said shrugging.
[Van Winkle gets sent to the ground as she shakes a bit to get up, Alucard picking up the musket she dropped as he walked to her; she tried to crawl away, but she got grabbed by the neck by Alucard as he slams her to the wall, holding her there against it, he then took the musket and started to push it into her stomach]“No.” Cooler said boredly.
Rip: V-vhat are you-!?
Alucard: Oh? Haven't you heard the new sensation sweeping the nation?
Alucard: (says it slow) Bitches love cannons.“Talk about getting it rough.” Halo joked. Starlight gave a look of dreamy eyes when he said that.
[Rip screams as Alucard fully impales her on her musket, killing her as the screen goes black]
[Scene change to the Major addressing the troops on board the zeppelin.]“Wait...what?” Twilight said confused.
The Major: Gentlemen. Operation Bait Van Winkle is a rezounding success. Alucard is now exactly where we need him to be so we can move forward with our little...surprise.
“...She was bait this whole time!?” Rainbow said in shock and confusion as well.
The Major: However, before ve begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet.“Rumor?” Starlight asked intrigue and curious.
The Major: Some of you have come to believe that I like var. I wish to dash these rumors! I do not like var.(it goes black for a second until it closes in on the maniacs eyes) I... LOVE... VAR.“What?” Twilight growled as Cooler leaned in with interest.
The Major: Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of var. You get up in ze morning, you get into your shitty car, und you see a rich CEO, who works half as hard as you do, drive down ze street in his Porsche. "Class Var."“Quite common among different planets.” Cooler said with a small smirk.
“We have some of that in Equestria as well, but not all rich ponies are bad...I think.” Fluttershy said as she looked away saying the last part.
The Major: You make it to vork, und you find out that ze annual drug test is today, und you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife's awful parents. "Drug Var."
“I'm sure some people do that.” Halo said with closed eyes.
“It’s a good thing we have low rates of people getting into drugs.” Applejack said a bit in relief. Suddenly Discord appeared.
“You say that when Fluttershy’s friend is Treehugger.” Discord said before poofing off in a second.
“Hey, she isn’t a smoker!...I hope” Fluttershy said as she quietly told herself the last part.
The Major: But zhen, you find out that ze only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. "Race Var."
“Plenty of that around.” Cooler said chuckling.
The Major: Then, you try und post about it on your Facebook, but zen all your friends start arguing about vhat's right und what's wrong. "Flame Var."
“Oh come on, that's everywhere.” Pinkie said with a slight eyeroll.
“It’s all over the internet.” Cooler and Halo said simultaneously.
“Sounds like a big waste of time.” Twilight said with a furrowed eyebrow.
“Yea, sounds a bit pointless.” Rainbow said as she squinted her eyes a bit .
The Major: You finally get home, und you decide to relax by vatching a program about: "Who gets ze box?" "What's in ze box?" "How much is vhat's in ze box worth?" "Storage Vars." (chuckles)
“That's more of a TV show.” Halo said confused.
“Ugh, its one of those shows that you watch and then you sit there for an half hour wondering why you even bothered watching it.” Cooler muttered as he rubbed his eyes in annoyance.
The Major: (Gustav Holsts - "The Planets - Mars, the Bringer of War" starts playing in the background) What I am telling you, my Nazi army of one zhousand vampires, is that I am a purveyor of var. And with your help over ze years, ve are now at the precipice of our true goal.
“And that is?” Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.
The Major: You see, I vant a simple var. No Class Vars, no Drug Vars, no Race Vars, no Flame Vars, und CERTAINLY, no Cold Vars! Blueballed for forty years.
“A war?” Starlight asked concerned. “Why does he want a war so badly?”
“To keep it short, the Germans...never had good moments in either wars they have been in.”
Halo explained in a rather disgusted tone.
The Major: Vhat I vant is a var zhat only ve can bring. A true var! A German var! The sequel you've all been vaiting for! I! VANT! VORLD! VAR! THREE!!!“Sieg Heil.” Cooler said with a smug grin. Twilight gritted her teeth at this society the Nazi's live in. There is bitter hatred in her eyes.
[The Millennium Soldiers begin cheering, ala the Ending to Episode 1; and started to salute]
Millennium Soldiers: Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!
[The song from earlier intensifies, as we then see several characters including Anderson, Enrico, Seras, and Pip staring at the moon, which has turned blood red, an ominous sign of what is to come that night. Which will be Long. and Bloody.]“Something big is about to happen.” Pinkie said with a tiny shiver. Fluttershy whimpered a bit as she knew that as well.
[Then, we see Alucard on the ship. At the sight of the moon, he starts with a quiet chuckle, then grew louder as he started to laugh wildly and maniacally as he looked up at the moon]
[Soon the screen turns black]“I have a feeling you might miss some of it.” Halo said shrugging. The TV suddenly turned back on.
Alucard: I better not miss a damn thing.
[End]
“Oh, there more!?” Twilight said a bit shocked.
[Enrico and a priest are seen sitting across from each other at a table...for a total of eleven seconds staring at each other]“Awkward~” Pinkie said tilting her head to the side.
“Is this gonna go anywhere…?” Rainbow asked confused, until the next scene is shown.
Priest: I-“Ooohhhhh, this sounds good.” Rainbow said rubbing her hooves together.
Enrico: Shh.
[Enrico points to a paper on the table.]
Enrico: June 14th, 1988. What was that all about?
Priest: Hold on, the last pope closed my file for good!
Enrico: Yes, well there's been a change in management. Management that wants to know why certain priests have been doing business with a certain organization.
Priest: Th- The Blood Diamond mines have been closed since the turn of the millennium!“Meaning?” Rarity asked confused.
Enrico: Ah, and there it is! Millennium.
Priest: (Internally as he started to sweat and panic) Oh God…
Enrico: Due to the recent events, we have realized that there is an informant within the Vatican. As such, we have been opening up old case files in search of any members of the church who may have... egregious offenses on their record.
“Meaning they had a rat in their churches for the enemy, so they decided to look up all the bad stuff they did.” Rainbow explained simply.
“Hm, not really a good idea if you praise a God, last I checked, you make them angry, bad things will happen.” Twilight stated as she crossed her hooves.
Priest: B-b-but I had no choice! They made it impossible to say no!“Jeesh, poor guy.” Applejack said with a wincing look.
Enrico: Oh, who could resist the temptation of immortality?
Priest: ...Amongst other things.
Enrico: Oh, they didn't. What, did they just drive a truck of them up to your house?!
[The priest says nothing and continues to sweat and panic.]
Enrico/Twilight/Starlight: WOW.
Priest: Please, you must understand, I am just a man. A man is not but a speck in the eyes of the Lord! I am weak!“Brutal.” Rainbow said with wide eyes.
Enrico: Oh, do not worry father. I assure you, God is forgiving.
Priest: Really?
[Enrico nods.]
Priest: Oh, praise be to-
[The priest is forced onto the table by Heinkel and held at gunpoint. Enrico begins walking away.]
Enrico: Just make sure to ask him when you get there.
[Heinkel shoots the priest.]
[End]
“Hm, I must say, I did actually quite enjoy myself when watching this.” Cooler stated with a smirk.
“Guessing you do this rarely?” Applejack said as she put her hat back on.
“I have been busy destroying planets like my brother, if this planet wasn’t occupied by the Draconians personalities, I would’ve probably taken this one by now.” Cooler said glancing at Halo who gave an innocent shrug. “Regardless, I wish to return to my plan-” Before he could even finish, he just pops from existence in a split second as the ponies, minus Halo, jumped back from the sudden occurrence.
“You're welcome.” Darkness said telepathically. “Just so you know, I'll be teleporting random people for each episode, hope you don’t mind the extra company.”
“Just make sure they don’t take over the planet or something.” Twilight said with narrowed eyes.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Darkness said with a bored tone. “Now if’ll you’ll excuse me- *CRASH* I gotta stop the twerp from jumping out the window and trying to fly on his own.” With that being said, he disconnected the telepathic wire as nothing was being said after that.
“Well, at least its Darkness doing it, Drago would've sended more of the….rebellious type.” Halo said with a little shudder.
“How IS the big Draconian god doing?” Pinkie asked as she looked at Halo.
[With Drago in the ghoul district]
“Oh great, it's all over my boots now!” Drago said as he used his magic to clean the rotten flesh he just stepped on. He looked around the district and admitted to how DULL it is. If he had to guess who was creative in this world, it is most definitely not the ghouls.
“Where the hell is everyone?” Drago asked confused. Barely anyone was outside, which would be normal, but the problem is, there is usually at least one or two creatures walking in each district.
“Better test something…” Drago muttered before he shouted, “COME ON OUT YOU WALKING FETUSES!” Nothing, absolutely nothing, which was very confusing to Drago.
“Huh, normally there would be the old one who would throw a bone, or the kids who would try to charge at me.” Drago said as he kept walking. Suddenly, he heard an explosion behind him, right on the house in the center.
“Huh, might be Pyromaniac.” Drago said as he flew towards the house. “The crazy ghoul was always obsessed with fire and explosions.” He got to the front of it and looked inside with cross arms.
“Alright you crazy fool, get out before I turn you into Anthony for blowing up houses again.” Drago threatened
“Funny...that is not how you address someone you know...Drago.” a voice said as Drago furrowed his eyebrows.
“What?” Drago asked confused. “Pyro, did you finally get that voice box fixed? Cause everytime you talk, it sounds like nails on a chalk board.”
“Heh….” the voice laughed until it flew up with speed and sent Drago flying back a few feet. Drago manages to catch himself by skidding across the floor with his feet and hands. Drago actually felt that, and now he is even more confused on how pyromaniac managed to kick him so hard like that.
“Seriously? Either you gained strange powers or you aren't Pyro.” Drago looked up as the smoke started to go away. Soon, he started to see something come out of the smoke, and it was someone he wish to never see again. His eyes go wide as his hands started to shake.
“No……” Drago said as he took a step back. What he sees is a person who almost resembles himself, but was slightly skinnier, but equally tall. He had the same kind of armor, but more spikes and less bulky. He had darker colored scales, slightly small wings and darker colored crimson eyes.
“Miss me?” the look alike asked with outstretched arms. Drago growled as he charged at him, but the look alike vanished instantly and kicked him back.
“Oh come on, Drago.” the look alike mocked. “You are too smart for that.”
“You’re suppose to be dead!” Drago roared as he got up and tried to land punches, but were all blocked as the look alike landed his own on Draco’s stomach, knocking the air out of him as some spit flew out.
“Now now, is that anyway to treat your own brother, Draco.” The now named Draco said as he lifted Drago up and tossed him across the district, causing him to tumble and skid across the ground. “To think I would meet you again in this circumstance.”
“Shut up!” Drago shouted as he stopped himself from skidding. “I've already killed you twice! I can kill you a third time!”
“And that is where your intelligence is not thinking straight, dear brother.” Draco said with a tsk, “I'm always around, in your blood, in your mind, and in your heart. We are brothers all the way to the end.”
“My true brother died a long time ago.” Drago growled, “I made sure after what he did to our family, and my wife.”
“Hehehe…” Draco laughed as he teleported and spin kicked Drago across the district. “ Which reminds me, how is your wife?” he made it sound like he already knew the answer to this. Drago growled as he managed to land a hit, but it just knocked Draco back two feet.
“Or better yet, after this, you mind that I take a little visit to my dear niece and nephew?” Draco asked smugly.
“...leave my kids alone.” Drago growled in a warning tone.
“What? Can an Uncle not visit relatives?” Draco stated as he had his hands up in front of his face with a wide grin.
“The boneheads are a better choice than you.” Drago said as he tried to run at him, but was knocked back by a tailwhip into the next district, the Mud monster District.
“You don’t seem like the type to make friends Drago, I am impressed!” Draco said, feigning a shocked and surprised look.
“The boneheads are the only ones I consider friends.” Drago said as he stood up with an angered look. “After what you and the Alicorn God did to Darkheart and Flamerage!”
“To be fair, that was The Alicorn God’s doing.” Draco said shrugging.
“But you joined in with him!”
“Oh don’t start with the boring crap.” Draco said in a dark chuckle. “I was only proving a point, a point you keep interfering in.” Draco appeared above him as he stomped on his chest repeatedly. “That I was the strongest amongst our race! And I could've been, if it weren't for you!” Draco growled as he lifted Drago up and slammed him on his knee. He tried to do it again, only for Drago to grapple him by an arm and judo throw him to the ground, then stomped on Draco’s face.
“I thought I could trust you, and you stab our family right in the back!” Drago shouted as he tried to stomp again only for Draco to roll out of the way, but soon they get caught in a strength clash as they both had their hands in lock as they tried to push each other away. “You are a murderer!”
“Oho, You're one to talk!” Draco shouted as he held back Drago “How many lives have you taken on your little, revenge quest before you met Emerald!?”
“It was a better reason than yours!” Drago shouted as neither side budged.
“Bull-shit!” Draco shouted as he got some ground by pushing back Drago a little bit. “You were worse than me!”
“You made it worse after you went for my wife!” Drago shouted back as he started to push back Draco with extreme brute strength.
“And nearly had my children die, like our unborn sister!”
“Do you have any idea how infuriating it was for me to get myself to the top!?”
“I don't give a damn about that! I had a kingdom to maintain after father died! It was harder on our mother!” Drago said as he pushed Draco into a wall. “Your insecurities became your downfall!”
“MY insecurities!?” Draco said in anger and shock. “Yours were worse than mine! You were the one who constantly trained and trained after father died, and you still do!” Draco managed to knock back Drago as they now clashed in the sky.
“I have to! To protect what I have left of my life!” Drago said as they never stopped blocking and dodging each other's attacks.
“I will kill those two new friends of yours after I am done with you!”
“Leave them out of this!” Drago shouted in defiance as they were back to grappling each other in the sky. Soon, Drago got the upperhand as he suplexed him 20 feet from the ground, creating a giant crater in the process. Drago quickly dropped down on the downed Draco as he started to punch his face in a fury.
“Did our family mean NOTHING to you!?” Drago shouted as he punched him right in the jaw. “Or our LOVE!?” Draco flipped Drago over to his back as he jabbed him between the eyes.
“That love became nothing to me ever since our father died!” Draco shouted as he then stomped on Drago’s chest before slamming him into the ground four times.Drago jumped into the air, delivering his foot down towards Draco’s head, sending him face first to the ground.
“It was hard on me too!” Drago said as he slammed his tail onto Draco’s face and punched his stomach. Draco kicked him away as Drago recovered by landing on the wall, creating a large crack in it. Draco stood up as he cracked his neck.
“I have had enough of this, I will end you and your damn kids, with your new skeleton friends!” Draco shouted. “But first...I want to introduce you to someone you know all too well.” Draco then smirked smugly as an individual appeared behind Draco. Drago was shocked, then extremely angry as he growled loudly.
“You!” Drago shouted as he took out his sword out of sheer rage.
“Good to see you again, Dragonheart.” A strange looking creature said as it flew towards Drago.
[With Anthony at the entrance of the Werewolf district]
Anthony walked as he cautiously looked inside the district. Turns out the place now looks like a bloody warzone. What is noticeable was a GIANT crater right dab in the middle of it. What is going on? Hasn’t there not been mayhem for a long time now? Something isn’t right...Anthony walked over to look inside the crater until he heard something behind him. Or better yet, someone.
“You have a lot of guts to come here, Sheriff.” a scruffy, yet medium pitched voice from behind him. Anthony froze as he slowly turned around.
“What?” Anthony said shocked. If he had eyes, they would be as wide as the moon. “How did!?”
“Miss me, fellow undead friend?” A zombie said as he had some vibranium armor and a crown that was black with a skull on it. His left eye was missing as he had a smug, yellow-toothed grin. Soon he dropkicked Anthony into the crater, who landed on his feet and quickly jumped out to the other side, facing him.
“Zombie King.” Anthony stated bitterly as he took out a cigarette and lit it in his mouth. “You are suppose to be dead!”
“I'm a zombie.” The Zombie King said blandly as he punched Anthony into the ground and stomped on him. Anthony took out his revolver and shot at the Zombie King with a flashbang pistol, hitting him in the face, making him quickly get off.
“You know what I mean, I burned your body to make sure you never came back.” Anthony stated, taking his pistols out.
“...Oh yea.” The Zombie King said as he backhanded him into a building and smashed him through different buildings with a shoulder charge. “You know, I had a good system goin’, unlimited money, many many friends that are as big as me, some of those hot vampire ladies.” the Zombie King said as Anthony got up.
“That system was corrupt.” Anthony hissed.
“Oh please, no one can get through life doing the good way, we take chances, we are undead.”
“We weren’t the type of undead until you took over!” Anthony shouted as he aimed his guns at him. “You ruined lives, made some of our homes deserted!” Anthony said as he angrily listed all of his nasty deeds.
“Oh boy, is this because of what I did to your best friend?” the Zombie King asked smugly and having no sympathy. Anthony growled as he ran up and kneed Zombie King in the face, and shot him three times at his armor, that did pierce, but didn’t go all the way through. Zombie King jabbed him to get him away from him.
“Really, is that all you got?” The Zombie King said as he punched Anthony in the stomach area, and lifted him over his shoulder. “Time to plant me a Dumbass Tree!” He shouted as he slammed Anthony into the ground, planting him like a seed. Soon his bones started to disappear, then appear behind him, sending a boot right on the back of his head making him go forward. He then relentlessly started to punch his face, with the guns still in his hands. Afterwards, he does a swift dropkick, sending Zombie King to a wall, making a crack.
“Ok, that was just a cheap shot.” The Zombie King said with a bored expression. Anthony got into position as he pointed both revolvers at him.
“You should’ve joined my side, Skullrox.” the Zombie king stated as he walked towards Anthony. “We could have been a great duo.”
“And do all of your evil deeds for the sake of only you?” Anthony said with a glare.
“I was your KING!” he growled a bit in irritation. “You always respect the King, and to not question them for it, have people fear you so you can have them turn the other cheek.”
“Just shut up, I have killed you before, I’ll do it again, this time it won’t just be burning your entire body.” Anthony threatened as he pulled down on the lever on the back of his revolvers. The Zombie King laughed.
“Bring it then, you weak excuse of a marshal!” the Zombie King boasted eagerly and smugly. Both charge as Anthony jumped into the air, guns pointed at Zombie King, who took out a giant mace, and went to swing upward.
[With Rodriguez at the goblin district]
“Anthony my brother, where are you!?” Rodriguez yelled out. “Compadre!?” He went silent for a moment...until he heard grunts of...pain? Something isn’t right, someone is in trouble. Rodriguez sped walk down the small village, to only see a goblin, having trouble getting up, he has a bullet hole in his chest.
“Hey amigo, what happened?!” Rodriguez asked as he went on one knee.
“R-run…” the goblin said, trying to speak. “H-he’s gone crazy!”
“Who?” Rodriguez asked confused and curious. Before the Goblin could speak, a bullet went past him, ending his life with a bullet between the eyes. Rodriguez stepped back a bit in shock and surprise. He turned around from where the bullet was shot and he saw someone...someone he knew well.
“...Anthony?” Rodriguez said confused, as ‘Anthony’ stood there with his gun outstretched as he stared at him in silence. “Wh-...what are you doing?”
“...” Anthony continued to be silent, until he ran up and kicked Rodriguez back a few feet. Rodriguez recovered and started to dodge Anthony’s gun punches, but gets hit on the last one as Rodriguez slid back and took out his knife.
“What are you doing!?” Rodriguez asked in surprise, not expecting his brother to do such a thing to a brother he loved so dear.
“Sorry brother...but you’re time has come.” Anthony said coldly as he took a shot at his brother, going into blackness after the shot rang.
To be continued...
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Death Battle: One-Sided Equals Bad?
We all enjoy a close fight. It helps us stay on the edge of our seat, leaving us unsure who to root for, and has a habit of building up suspense. This can lead to some pretty awesome and well-written fights on many occasions.
But whenever something is one-sided and especially when people look into it, terms get thrown about and people show genuine disinterest.
"Stomp"
"Curbstomp"
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Death Battle: Akuma vs Raoh
Mecha: We've accounted for all aspects of the fighters. Now, it's time to settle things once and for all.
Virgil: Evenbody was Kung Fu fighting! Those kicks were fast as lightning!
Ruby: Oh, I love this song!
Grimlock: Oh, me Grimlock want to sing too.
Mecha: Good grief.
Raoh: How you can stand this level of immaturity on a daily basis boggles my mind.
Angela: Oh let them have their fun. It's not hurting anyone.
Raoh: My eardrums would care to protest that.
John: Anyway, it's time to for a Death Battle!
Grimlock, Ruby, and Virgil: EVERYBODY WAS KUNG-FU FIGHTING!
-------------
Ruined city with a mountain just outside of it
The e
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You can either message me on who you would want to see next in the series. (Darkness is gonna be kind today.)
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I can certainly say I didn't expect Cooler to show up.